people have said that it seems that i have a rich internal world. years ago, i would have agreed, but as of now i don’t enjoy my internal world nearly as much. what does that mean, anyways? to have a rich internal world, isn’t it kind of just saying that you don’t have a rich external world? does it just mean i’m autistic? and when i put my internal world in text like this, it’s kind of external now, right?

there’s nothing really going on in my head most of the time any more. meow. i still have a little bit of imagination, but i really miss being able to draw out complex worlds, like the city in a pencil, or the apartment complex in the bathtub tiles, just for fun, or just for a fleeting erotic idea. i can still build out these worlds. it just takes longer, maybe because of all of the knowledge of the real world i’ve accumulated as an adult. if i was to retreat from the world, like i did as a child, would that bring back my imagination?