to be clear, these aren’t good reasons, they were just reasons.

  • 8% “men are worthless”, said by people around me who i loved and respected
  • 6% hydrangea
    • 2% when i was a child hydrangea draped her hair over my head, and we looked in the mirror and it was like i had long hair, and i felt happy
    • 3% she’s so cool
  • 15% ugly ugly ugly ugly ugly
    • 2% weight
    • 1% stinky
    • 1% i didn’t look chinese and wanted to
    • 1% balding
      • one time honeysuckle cut my hair and promised she would only cut like 2 inches but actually cut like 5 and i’d never before felt such a deep sense of loss regarding my body
  • 5% the male role involves many “shameful” activities
    • 2% chasing / initiating
    • 1% penetration
  • 3% i hate my voice
    • 1% when playing games on voice call and a girl joins the call, the change in atmosphere is so crazy
    • 1% i can’t pronounce “andrew” clearly enough for people to hear it on the first try
  • 2% anime
    • 1% anime beauty standards
  • 6% my parents telling me that it’s my responsibility to carry on the family name and get a job to support my future wife and children, and that they put everything into me, everything, that i need to do this or their lives will have been wasted, if i don’t have children they have nothing to live for
    • 1% transmaxxing
  • 2% responsibility
  • 1% i tried acid and it made me feel detached from all this stuff and i loved that part of it
  • 13% my personality was too warm and this was the only totally certain way to change personality
    • 3% it felt too easy to be alone
    • 2% my dad had anger issues
    • 2% i was sometimes domineering when working with others
    • 1% i used to have these (standard) involuntary teenage rebellion episodes against what i saw as authority and it always just ended up with me crying alone, having accomplished nothing
  • 3% i didn’t want to be normal
    • 1% i wanted to see queer
  • 4% all these cool and pretty people are trans
    • 1% transvoicelessons
    • 2% musicians
  • 2% i was curious how women thought and felt
  • 30% i didnt want to be alone