i often find myself sitting or standing on roads. listening to cars scream by like violent wavelets. when i am most afraid of people and of my voice, i come to these places.

in clouds, it was under the bridge to the mainland. in sanba, it was on the highway overpass under the streetlamp at the foot of the mountains. in seybrook, it’s the drawbridge over the smelly canal. in kozuloa, it’s the ventilation shafts of the tunnel to jornor. at each of these places, i can be something like alone, but different, since even i am drowned out. zero’s company. one’s a crowd. i go to these forsaken places to remember my position in the world. to return to my type state, more alone than alone.

it’s comforting.

i love being in the presence of these big structures because it makes me feel small. being big is a lot of pressure. your details are on display for smaller creatures like ants or bunnies to notice, even if you don’t notice yourself. but if you are small, there is no pressure. sitting inside a bridge, atop a mountain, lost in a city, no one will see you. certainly, no one will be able to make out your features. your body becomes of no consequence.